if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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