i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
