Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
NoShamevember. You game?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
