She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
