His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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