bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
