Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
