Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
