I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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