I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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