God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
