I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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