Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
