My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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