Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
