haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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