I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
