I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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