just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize