I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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