she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize