tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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