I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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