Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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