jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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