Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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