That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
