I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
