I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
