she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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