Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
