Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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