i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm too high and old for this...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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