So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
