my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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