New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
