i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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