My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
