I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
