if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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