You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
