Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
