I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
