I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
where am i from again
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
