apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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