his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
