Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
