my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize