If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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