he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
