The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize