Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How does one acquire holy water?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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