if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
