You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
