If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
