We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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