fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize