I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
