hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
