I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
