The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
