Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
