I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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