it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
