dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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