the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
