dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
