He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
