i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
