Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
