my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
