I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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