Fine. I'll sleep in my office
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
