Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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