My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
