we have officially lost it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
