Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
