Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
