Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize