ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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