the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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