i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
