Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
