why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
