you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
