Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
