i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
