we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
