Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize