i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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