somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
