i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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