You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
