Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
