It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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