I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
