This girl is more easily done than said...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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