so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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