if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
